To toss or not to toss

In serious debate over here… I already went through my closets and pulled a bag full of clothes out to give to goodwill.  Now I’m working in my office and it is a million times harder for me to clean out files, etc. than it was my clothes.  Something seriously must be wrong with me?  I can downsize my closet but not my bookshelf?  I’m sitting here stairing at my desk with piles of just stuff and can’t throw them out.

What is it about our stuff that we can’t let go of?  Some of it is useless (ok maybe a lot of it) but yet I cling to it.  Why must we (I) be so materialistic.  I enjoy my simple style in my apartment and even looking forward to sprucing it up this summer, but my office has to give. It’s frustrating that I feel like I’ve waisted the past couple of hours and haven’t accomplished much.  But I’m so hung up on this stuff.  And the crazy thing is I”M TIRED OF MOVING IT AROUND!  Ok, its settled its going in the trash…  this is stupid.  I wish there was some how to process on this!  I found great tips on decluttering on www.realsimple.com (Real simple, your welcome for the shoutout :) ) but not on LETTING GO :).

Is it just me or do we all have a lil bit of a hoarder in us?  Catch ya later after this mess is tossed…

It’s a beautiful thing

Sitting here getting a game plan for my day (yes its 11am and I’m on my first cup of coffee)… and normally I would be under a panick attack looking at my desk.  There are piles around me, stuff on my floor, a million things to do and I just smile (and shake my head).  I can be wound so tight about keeping everything in order and ‘on top of things’ that I miss something….  It’s a beautiful thing… Ok, yes, I will clean house tomorrow but really its beautiful.  I have a job that I can put in my own hours, I have a part time job that I can put in my own hours and then my own business… my own hours.  In the last week I started to let resentment in for all the work I do and the hours I’ve been pulling get to me and I hate that.  I know that so many people don’t have jobs and I have 3.  I don’t like negativity.  I don’t like feeling that way.  I love what I do and the opportunity that has been given.  So dear Lord, thank you for the reality check that you give me when I get over there…

Another thing that I was thinking… you really need sleep.  Yesterday morning I was literally exhausted to tears.  Mentally and physically.  My poor BF had to talk to me while I blubbered all the way to work.  Thank God for him and his ability to make me laugh because I was ready to go right back to bed.  This morning I slept in and oh what a difference that made.  Now I know not everyone can do that, but really taking the opportunity when you can will make all the difference.  I’m laughing as I’m writing this about sleep because I know I’ll be up late tonight again :).

Ok, last thing, really a random thing… 11 months since being out on my *own (split from the ex-husband) and couldn’t be more happier.  Yes, I’m still working through a lot of emotions and stuff but even in the rough times, I can’t believe how good it is.

 

*Funny story: I originally wrote mind instead of own in that last paragraph.  When I re-read it I literally laughed out loud… Because that is a true statement too :) 

More than a Conqueror

This morning my heart is heavy.  What I’m about to write isn’t a complaint.  I am blessed beyond measure.  There is nothing that I’m going through is really ‘that bad’ compared to the next person.  But at the same time I can’t minimize how I feel.  For me, on the outside I try to keep a “I got this!” persona, more often than not on the inside I’m running 5 steps behind from where I should be.  It’s frustrating really.  I want to be everything to everyone that calls on me.  The truth is, I can’t.  There is NOTHING IN ME that can.  I can try and do and try and do and work but I’ll always come up short.

 

Ok, with that said… get this… there is someone through me that can.  His name is Jesus Christ.  I’ve been struggling with holding on to somethings in my life.  Trying to do it all alone, but the fact is I’m not alone.  My best friend and personal Lord and Saviour is just waiting for me to call on His Name.  You are probably thinking, this girl has been raised in church she should know better.  Well stop thinking that.  If all ‘believers’ are honest and REAL with themselves this is such a battle.  Everything in our flesh wants to sin.  The Bible says that.  We are no good on our own.  BUT with Him all things are possible.  (“Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible”" Matthew 19:26) .   I want to tap into that.  I want to stop reaching my capacity but start operating in God through me ability.

 

This week has been rough.  Not only am I uber sensitive and emotional this week (ladies you know what that means for this week…) But with the 3 jobs I work I’m behind.  Let’s face it I’m always behind and I can’t stand it.  Stuff at work has been crazy and I’m struggling to get prioritized.  I work from the time I wake up till the time I go to sleep most days (thanks B, I didn’t realize it until you told me that) but never done.  Then when things hit the fan I want to shake my fist and cry out to God why!?!  I get mad.  I want to ask God where are you, why are you letting this happen?  As much as I know God appreciates my honesty, I get reminded of my fav chapter Romans 8 and starting in verse 18, “I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.”  then skip to verse 35 through 39, “Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?  As it is written: ”For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”  No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,t neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” NIV.  

 

What does all that mean? The fact is, nothing will separate us from Him and His love.   Life will get tough, because no where does it say it will be easy.  What we go through is worth it compared to what ultimate price God paid for me and my sins.  So even though I screw up all the time and I don’t walk this straight and narrow path, God is there.  Every step.  In every day, hour, minute, second…He is there.  So today I’m encouraged.  Things are not perfect nor are they ‘fixed’, but I know that it is all worth it.  There is a purpose for all that is going on… (ohhhhhh  next blog topic just happened :) ).

In closing, what’s next? Next, pray, read and ask Him for direction.  I ask Him how to tackle these projects and I never forget to thank Him for what I do have, because if He didn’t think I could handle it then I wouldn’t have been given this walk.  So He must think I’m special :).

Wrapping up Recap

Now fast forward to May 2012…8 months later… In no particular order…

Work: After 5 wonderful years at a wonderful nonprofit I took a position at a banquet hall to oversee their marketing department.  Yup you guessed it!  My part time job became my full and my full time job became my part time.  I love it!  It takes work especially since I work a lot to balance but I do love it.

School:  This will probably more into a blog post very soon, but I’m currently not enrolled in any classes.  Focusing on my career for a hot minute…

Family: Since the divorce I’ve been able to reconnect with my fam.  I don’t spend nearly as much time with them but truly blessed for the support system they provide… not sure what I would do without them!

Church: Still attending The Creek!  Love it there.  Let’s face it, if it wasn’t for my faith I’d be in a loony bin somewhere rocking in the corner asking for my momma… God is good… all the time.

Dating scene: Well… I met someone… more on that later but let’s just say as my bulldozer he is my own therapy.  :)

Living situation: Still in my lil 2 bedroom apartment but I have a roomie now!  I’m a proud momma of a fluffy cat named Hank!  He actually runs the place now and lets me live here.  He is great.  (I can also see this being a blog post or maybe several #krazykatladyintraining)  Oh and no worries I’ve come a long way from just the futon and table!

As you can see things are good, actually better than I deserve.  I’m not where I need to be but I’m sure closer than I was yesterday!

By the way here is Hank!  (Yes there will be lots of pics posted of this handsome fella… you’ve been warned)

Peace out!! Love Jen & Hank :)

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