Let’s Recap series… “Discipline”

Originally written: August 28, 2011

 

This is an area where I’ve been struggling.  Life is good right now.  Both jobs are great, love my apartment, I’ve had several new blessings pop up, but now it is time to really dig in.

Starting tomorrow, I’m going to get up and run.  I’m not a huge fan of running, but I can tell my muscles are getting weaker and weaker. I can not stand that feeling.  So tomorrow, first step, run.  My goal is to run Monday through Friday.  That is it.  It is a stretch but very obtainable goal.

Next is to get to bed at the same time through the week.  By 11pm I should be in bed and with that, to pack my bag and set my clothes out for the next day.  It might sound silly, but it really does make a difference.  I’m one of those gals (yes it’s true) that can easily try on 4 different outfits before deciding.  Then after trying on all those clothes, who has time to put those away?!  Not me! :)

I believe with discipline comes efficiency and I’ve been trying little by little to make adjustments to be more efficient and to maximize my time.  So here is to making changes!

Let’s Recap series… “Strong Enough”

Originally written: August 13, 2011
Strong Enough, by Matthew West
 “You must, You must think I’m strong
To give me what I’m going through
Well forgive me
Forgive me if I’m wrong
But this looks like more than I can do
On my own

(Chorus)
I know I’m not strong enough to be
Everything that I’m supposed to be
I give up
I’m not stong enough
Hands of mercy won’t you cover me
Lord right now I’m asking you to be
Strong enough
Strong enough
For the both of us

Well, maybe, maybe that’s the point
To reach the point of giving up
Cause when I’m finally
Finally at rock bottom
Well, that’s when I start looking up
And reaching out

Chorus

Cause I’m broken
Down to nothing
But I’m still holding on to the one thing
You are God
and You are strong
When I am weak
I can do all things
Through Christ who gives me strength
And I don’t have to be
Strong enough
Strong enough
I can do all things
Through Christ who gives me strength
And I don’t have to be
Strong enough
Strong enough

Chorus”

http://www.klove.com/music/artists/matthew-west/songs/strong-enough…
The words give me such encouragement!  But tonight as we ended our board conference with our time of prayer.  It’s a tradition that whoever
wants to stick around and pray for the ministry, the staff and specific requests can do so.  Tonight I fought tooth and nail to keep my emotions in.  Tried to “keep it together”.  Shoot, every time we have a board meeting I feel like I’m always asking for prayer for my marriage(s).
Right when I thought I was in the clear my boss and big sister-in Christ put her arm around me and said “just let it go”. Then one of our top board members said “Where is Jennifer, I want to pray for Jennifer”.  I lost it.   I stepped forward in the middle of board members, staff members, former athletes and even new board prospects and staff members.  I let it go.  Then our worship leader sang the most beautiful song that God had laid upon his heart about we don’t have to carry the burdens and that we can lay it at His feet.  Then they all gathered around me and prayed.
I’ve been fighting so hard to “be strong”.  Not to get down, not to let others down, not to give into the deep pain that has consumed my heart.  But I don’t have to BE strong when my God already decided I’m strong enough because right in my pain and weakness His strength is sufficient not mine.
For tonight it still hurts more than I want to admit.  But Praise God that He loves me so much that He placed me in this awesome ministry where I feel so loved, more loved and thought of than I ever imagined.  I can’t describe this feeling.  It’s like right when you think you should be ashamed of all the pain and what you’ve been through, but instead you are loved, accepted and …. I got no words but the tears that I can’t control of this overwhelming feeling.  Thank you God, for reminding me that I’m not to carry this alone.  Thank you.

Let’s Recap series… “It Starts”

Originally Written: August 4, 2011

It’s official, I move in this weekend.  I’m pretty excited about, but a little overwhelmed too.  Since I’m working two jobs and have conference next week it’s a little insane right now.  But it’s kind of a crazy/beautiful kind of insanity.

I’m working tomorrow day and job #1 then go straight to job #2.  Then I’ll start getting my stuff together so after working Saturday day I’ll be able to get the keys and move that night.  Church Sunday morning and then unpacking and doing a tiny bit of shopping and picking up my futon :)

Then straight into work week, working both jobs Monday, conference Thursday thru Sunday… and it goes on.  But thank God for a job and then to bless me with 2!  And such an amazing family.  Even though all the hard stuff we’ve went through, what I’ve went through, they are my ever loving and ever encouraging family.  And if I mention family I must give a shout to my wonderful friends who have stuck it out with me through the last several years.  It is amazing to see how so much tension in a marriage can change some one.  There is such a burden lifted! Thankful that they stuck it out with me!

Well, here is to the last few nights here and the start of starting over and moving on.  It’s only up from here!

 

Let’s Recap series… “August and a Futon”

Originally written: August 1, 2011

FINALLY! It’s August!  Last month seemed to last forever.  I couldn’t wait for August to come!  Tonight I started a part time job at an event/banquet hall.  I wasn’t expecting to find a part time gig so quickly but it happened!  I really think if there was such a thing as a perfect second job this would be it.  I work most Mondays to clean and set up, then depending on the events Friday and Saturdays and some Thursdays.  On the plus side since I’ve been in corporate event planning for five years, being able to learn all the behind the scenes from a venue standpoint is great!  And so what I have to clean a few bathrooms, it’s money! I’m not afraid or ashamed to work.

Since I found work quickly (or it kinda found me)… I started looking for an apartment.  I was not planning on moving out of the ‘rents until at least September or even next Spring.  Well… I found a place!  I’m going Wednesday to check it out and sign the lease.  I’m super excited!!!

At first I was really struggling with moving out so soon.  It wasn’t that I didn’t want to get back on my feet as quick as possible, but it was because I gave all my furniture away.  See my husband and I had some problems all along.  At once he had made up his mind that he didn’t want to be married and it was a mistake, yadda yadda… Well, I packed my little heartbroken self up and got right into an apartment and made my soon to be ex help with some furniture.  Few months later, we decided to try again, and I knew I had a biblical obligation to try.  Well… I gave all my nice pretty new furniture away.  Why store all this stuff when I wasn’t going to need them?!?  (There is a much longer story here but for now let’s keep looking forward :) )

So here I am. I have all my nice kitchen stuff in boxes, and the only real piece of furniture I own is a nice corner desk, matching shelves and filing cabinet. I figure I could wait on the apartment and save until I have enough money to buy it all at once…. but where is the fun in that?

Then I started searching online for other blogs of people getting divorced, starting over and moving on with a lot of nothing…. I couldn’t find any!   That is when I knew what I was going to do!  So as of today, August 1, 2011, I Jennifer, is not waiting on everything to just be “just right”.  I’m going to pack myself up and move into a apartment with the following major items:

  • All the kitchen items a person who has gone through 2 divorces could need (minus a silverware set)
  • A corner desk, office chair, book shelve and filing cabinent
  • Clothes and shoes (of course the essentials)
  • And all other MISC items one requires over the years.

I have enough funds to get into the new place, buy a futon and stock with groceries.  I’m not worrying about anything else but the essentials for a little while.  September should be even better ‘financial’ month and I’ll be able to take a little road trip to Ikea and pick up more furniture.

Hopefully in blogging through all of this new venture will maybe help someone else who stumbles onto my blog and see that it can be done!  I figure what do I have to lose?  Nothing!!

Let’s Recap series… “Just Do it”

“Just Do It”

Originally written: July 28, 2011

Most that know me, know that one of my favorite phrases is, “make a decision”.  JUST MAKE IT!  :)  I love when my friends look at me with a puzzled look wondering why I’m not telling them what to do.
Let’s face it, too many people in our lives talk to much.  They talk about what they don’t like, what they do like, what they want, what they don’t want, what they are going to do… I could go on!  I completely and utterly (which I just googled that word and it is the same as completely…who knew!) get bored with it!  So much talking, just do something already!  I must add, I love to “talk” as in to people, I’m very social but if you ask me what my plans are I’ll tell you, I’m doing it! And in doing it, I know I’ll see my dreams unfold, but I refuse just to sit by and talk about it!

That is why I’m making decisions.  I’m not waiting till I have everything lined up and in order, nope I’m acting.  I figure God doesn’t want us lukewarm but active!  Check out Revelations 3:16.  It says “neither hot nor cold”.  To me that means, right, wrong or indifferent.. choose.  Because once you choose then God can deal with you!  And in the process of making a decision and ‘doing it’ then you have to have faith to step out onto the unknown.

That is why I’m a little nervous but super excited about August!  Things are happening much quicker than I expected and I’m just loving it!

More on August next time…

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